Finally, December of 2019 & A Review

Still need to hold on a bit. The last possibly drama of the year need to be waited out; it also marked the outset of about a 15-month journey. But better have a review of all previous months to save room for the last possible episode.

Jan. Remember walking down the slushy road at hometown in the snowing, unknown about what’s in store ahead. Watched tons of motorcycling videos, but still hadn’t a clue if I was gonna ride down the road.

Feb. & Mar. I seem to have acted upon the whims that possible could stretch back to the last summer, when I read and listened half through On the Road. Most of what I read had escaped my memory, but, when listening to the audiobook, the scenes in which the author stayed with her Mexican girlfriend under the starry night heavens stuck in mind. The scenes, however, are not the direct motivator of my move in Mar. Overall, looking back, my move should be seen more motivated by a lack of a sense of meaning and faith for life, compounded by anxiety of graduation. I have been searching for a better question, but reality had prompted you for an answer. Thus, on the road rushed I. I first snuck in hometown and cancled the registry for a car driving license, and snuck back, within just one day. A few weeks later, after a succession twists and turns which on some occassions almost subtaged the whole plan, I got a motor license and left my hometown, once again without anyone’s knowledge.

April. In rains, freezing winds, burning sun, on asphalt roads, back roads, mountainous roads that seem to have been shelled and bombed, in daytime and at nights, the two-wheel with two insane young man had covered 3,500 kilometers across half China longitudinally. We raced almost non-stop in the day, and worked in the evenings. My partner got his work on the side to be dealth with; I got my shitty thesis to be tinkered with time and again. Eventually the journey is wrapped up lonely at 271th Litchi Road, Sanya, Hainan Province with me flooded in tears in silence before an electrical box at a road curb. We set out with two, but ended up with me. It’s fair, coz it’s me that had invented the whole story. It was the culmination of the past confusing three years, too. Time is merciless. Back in Nanjing, it was eating, and parting ways. Towards the end of the month, I had an exam after about ten days of preparation.

May. Job-hunting. Looking back, I find I only got a month of hunting; but from my memory, it was as long as an eternity. Setting out in the early mornings, coming back at midnights, scurrying between the stations of Shanghai, Nanjing and Anqing like a lemming and panicking like a lemming. That’s me in May. On the finals days, however, I got the message out of the blue. A few rounds of conversation, from the noisy train car to the sitting room at home, I’d go to Beijing, the capital of this country. I had been there three years ago. Though I could recall the days, when a classmate and I visited almost all the tourist spots so quick like we are soldiers in for a battle, nothing impressive remained. “I would go, “I said to mom.

Jun. 2 days lingered in Beijing for first meeting and soon back at home. Half a month later, I began my “floating life in Beijing”. I actually felt no so dramatic. I determined, after all the ups and downs in the former half of the year, not to be subjected to hysterical feelings. I told myself that shifts in space and even time should be seen as casual as three meals in a day.

Jul. Aug. Sep. Ten. Worked.

Nov. Rebuilt meaning framework.

Dec. Last possible drama.

A lifetime is short; a year, a day and an hour could be long.

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