At dusk, I was stilling pushing the bike up the slope. Tired, hardly talkable loneliness, aching right knee. Bleak future, misspent youth, lost time. It was at such time when I feel myself most a loser.
This put me in mind of a night when I was in senior high school. Tired from physical exertion, I felt the same loser’ thought.
I know the loser’s thought was mostly physical. When you are tired, you are more likely to feel yourself a loser. But however I tried, I in most cases ended up feeling fucked by the world. I had asked myself: Can’t I really crack the spell and buck the tide of frustrating feelings even if I was subjected to the situation?
That’s a major reason that I determined to build up my body, my illness-prone and trouble-making body.
Let your body lead your soul, not otherwise. That’s one of the wisest idea I have heard these years.