Before I came back to this blog I thought a lot about setting up a new WordPress blog, and I did opt for a domain named wymemoir.cn. I had worried a bit about “cn” website, as it meant it’s a website under the management of China. I paid for the domain, though. It ‘s much cheaper than my present one. But I just hit the wall; the customer service of the server host told me that a CN website requires real name verfication. That’s bullshit.
I gave up on domestic blog service providers because my NetEase blog, a china’s one, had got lost twice. It is NetHard, I woud say. One is the prompt that points to wrong login ID or password, the other blatant censorship, saying that my blog contained illicit contents. I had been writing in English then, and I attributed such laughable absurdity to a censor who got confused and annoyed by my english contents that he chose to “cut it off at one stretch” （一刀切）and blocked the blog straight away. 一刀切 is often used to refer to the government’s lazy administration on an issue. Motor in large cities in China, for instance, is banned completely. Sure, it saved the bureaucrats a lot trouble. But we all know the thing, right?
So I moved my blog to an independent wordpress blog site. Here it is.
I had depicted as a blogsite out of a distraught heart. The turbulent life in recent years make it hard for me to keep it up to date. So I just left it out there for quite a time. After all, however, mails from the host and the domain provider kept me on an alert of its existence. Perhaps a more prominent yet more hidden reason that I left 1718wy.com is that I had been seeking so far a place to spill my guts.
I think I can see it as a seeking for writing for myself. I had used QQ Space and written there as a college undergraduate as many a peer done back then . But I had been a latecomer of QQ Space then and it took a time for me to realize that it’s out of time to write there. It makes you silly to write paragraphs upon paragraphs where, like, all are joking and you are the only serious egghead. And soon it occurred to me that social media is no home for personal writing, at least for me back then, unable to be revealing in somewhere I couldn’t be comfortable writing. Comfortable. It’s never easy to be comfortable doing anything. Be it QQ Space or Friends of Wechat, one would spend some time editing the status and when they do this they do it in a half-real-half-fake way. It’s like a online role play. I still hadn’t exceled at such craft; Or in other words I need this but I still need a more serious and personal space beyond this, where I can spill some beans and my guts.
Still, it turned out hard to write seriously, honestly and revealingly, even if I had found a cyberspace free of “the jokers” as I said before. The issue is that even if you could go somewhere free of external jokers, you’ve gotta face your internal jokers, and their noise.
To achive revealing writing from which you expect a seeking for self-identification, self-recovering an self-building, you have to face internal struggles, and the jokers’ noise. I came to the realization that the worst thing is you can say or write something true or something that’s on your mind. Not that you cannot speak up in public. Not that you cannot win others in a match. Not that you cannot do well in an exam.
Tonight I feel a bit more comfortable back to this blog. But I hadn’t been completely “comfortable”, so I will still write in English, and determine to write more, consistently and persistently.